Why is it that couple counseling works really well for some couples and enables them to move on to a happy future together, while other couples seem to only unravel even quicker while they are attending these sessions? When a marriage hits a rough spot some people see therapy as the way out. They somehow think talking is going to make it all better, especially when both people really do not want to get a divorce.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Even the most severe of issues has been successfully worked through in a therapy session, so it is not true that the difference is only in the severity of the problems. This is most people's assumption but it's wrong.
The difference is that couples who make it work figure out that it isn't all about just talking out the problems. If you want to increase your chances of making your sessions really work, then consider 3 ways that seeing a therapist can really make a difference.
The first step starts with your own listening skills. It is very easy to go into a session ready to fight for your own perspectives. You get defensive and start thinking about what to say in return rather than just listening closely to what your spouse has to say. Relax and just listen.
The second step is to speak honestly and from your heart without holding back. Even if what you say might hurt your spouse, you have to get out what is hurting and hindering you in the marriage. Hopefully they will give you the same respect and listen as you did to them.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
If you can do those things and go into each session with the right attitude than chances are high your spouse will follow suit and the real issues can be discovered. Then, you have to really do something about those issues outside of the sessions.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Even the most severe of issues has been successfully worked through in a therapy session, so it is not true that the difference is only in the severity of the problems. This is most people's assumption but it's wrong.
The difference is that couples who make it work figure out that it isn't all about just talking out the problems. If you want to increase your chances of making your sessions really work, then consider 3 ways that seeing a therapist can really make a difference.
The first step starts with your own listening skills. It is very easy to go into a session ready to fight for your own perspectives. You get defensive and start thinking about what to say in return rather than just listening closely to what your spouse has to say. Relax and just listen.
The second step is to speak honestly and from your heart without holding back. Even if what you say might hurt your spouse, you have to get out what is hurting and hindering you in the marriage. Hopefully they will give you the same respect and listen as you did to them.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
If you can do those things and go into each session with the right attitude than chances are high your spouse will follow suit and the real issues can be discovered. Then, you have to really do something about those issues outside of the sessions.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
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