If you have not yet done so, it is time to take out your calendar and think about the time your children will get to spend with you and your ex spouse this summer. For most of the year school and work make it more practical for kids to spend the majority of their time with one parent and only see the other on weekends and the occasional week day evenings. But now that summer is coming around school lets out, work gives way to at least a few weeks vacation, and longer daylight hours mean there are more opportunities for the so-called "access" parent to spend significant extra time with the children. Here is some advice to help you figure out your summer access schedule.
People and circumstances change. Children get older, their interests change and so do their needs. As a result, an access schedule that worked in the past may not continue to be in the best interests of the children now. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a fresh look at your summer access schedule and not just accept it because it has worked in the past.
If you do not already know, it is alright to deviate from an existing court order or separation agreement if you and your ex spouse agree. The order or agreement certainly comes in handy in the event that you cannot agree. However, it is always better for the children to have two caring and mature adults continually willing to re-examine things and make sure they get what they need. It is prudent to write out the changes that you have agreed to simply to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. Just a handwritten note signed and dated by both you and your ex should do the trick.
Do not forget to seek input from the children when making your plans for summer access. It should be a priority for the children to spend extra time with the parent they see less of during the rest of the year. However, this time can be even more valuable if the children are not required to give up other activities they wish to participate in in order to spend the extra time with that parent. The older the child is the more important it is for that child to have his or her own time and engage in activities here she is looking forward to. Look for ways to become involved in the child's activities rather than for the child to always have to fit into your activities.
Special events call for special arrangements. This has application throughout the year but there are more likely to be special events during the summer. There may be birthdays, holidays, family reunions, special trips, etc. Where both parents cannot participate in these events with the children serious consideration ought to be given to which parent is most closely connected to the activity. It would be wrong for the children to miss out on Dad's family's reunion just because it falls in the middle of Mom's 3 week vacation. That is, unless Mom planned a special 3 week vacation trip making the trip and the reunion mutually exclusive. When events conflict consider which would be more fun for the kids and parent to spend together. Are there any special benefits the kids will get from one rather than the other activity? Will there be other opportunities to participate in the activity or is it a once-in-a-lifetime event?
If the access parent is going to get extra time with the children over the summer he or she should be prepared to make the most of this time together. This might mean not only making the children your priority but making sure that they see that this is what you are doing. Perhaps turning off your cell phone, spending less time with your other friends or work for computer might be a good way to send this message to your kids and let them know how important they are to you. As for the activities you engage in with your kids, the younger they are the more they will be happy just to be involved in whatever you are doing. As they get older it will be you that needs to find ways to involve yourself in their activities, even if it is just to show an interest when they get home.
The bottom line is that flexibility and cooperation serve the children so much better than confrontation and rigidity. Even parents who have not separated must negotiate with each other and make trade-offs when making plans for how to spend the summer. Each parent needs to place the children's best interests above all else and this almost always means making sure they maintain a close relationship with the other parent.
People and circumstances change. Children get older, their interests change and so do their needs. As a result, an access schedule that worked in the past may not continue to be in the best interests of the children now. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a fresh look at your summer access schedule and not just accept it because it has worked in the past.
If you do not already know, it is alright to deviate from an existing court order or separation agreement if you and your ex spouse agree. The order or agreement certainly comes in handy in the event that you cannot agree. However, it is always better for the children to have two caring and mature adults continually willing to re-examine things and make sure they get what they need. It is prudent to write out the changes that you have agreed to simply to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. Just a handwritten note signed and dated by both you and your ex should do the trick.
Do not forget to seek input from the children when making your plans for summer access. It should be a priority for the children to spend extra time with the parent they see less of during the rest of the year. However, this time can be even more valuable if the children are not required to give up other activities they wish to participate in in order to spend the extra time with that parent. The older the child is the more important it is for that child to have his or her own time and engage in activities here she is looking forward to. Look for ways to become involved in the child's activities rather than for the child to always have to fit into your activities.
Special events call for special arrangements. This has application throughout the year but there are more likely to be special events during the summer. There may be birthdays, holidays, family reunions, special trips, etc. Where both parents cannot participate in these events with the children serious consideration ought to be given to which parent is most closely connected to the activity. It would be wrong for the children to miss out on Dad's family's reunion just because it falls in the middle of Mom's 3 week vacation. That is, unless Mom planned a special 3 week vacation trip making the trip and the reunion mutually exclusive. When events conflict consider which would be more fun for the kids and parent to spend together. Are there any special benefits the kids will get from one rather than the other activity? Will there be other opportunities to participate in the activity or is it a once-in-a-lifetime event?
If the access parent is going to get extra time with the children over the summer he or she should be prepared to make the most of this time together. This might mean not only making the children your priority but making sure that they see that this is what you are doing. Perhaps turning off your cell phone, spending less time with your other friends or work for computer might be a good way to send this message to your kids and let them know how important they are to you. As for the activities you engage in with your kids, the younger they are the more they will be happy just to be involved in whatever you are doing. As they get older it will be you that needs to find ways to involve yourself in their activities, even if it is just to show an interest when they get home.
The bottom line is that flexibility and cooperation serve the children so much better than confrontation and rigidity. Even parents who have not separated must negotiate with each other and make trade-offs when making plans for how to spend the summer. Each parent needs to place the children's best interests above all else and this almost always means making sure they maintain a close relationship with the other parent.
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