"Kiss and Make Up," sounds good even worth the fight to get to the making up. But how do you get from the disagreement or fight to the Kiss and Make Up?
Every marriage has occasions when the couple disagrees even getting into a heated argument that we call a fight. Humans make mistakes, say and do things that they shouldn't or that don't belong in a loving relationship. When you put two people together there are bound to be misunderstandings, moments of thoughtlessness even selfishness. Any or all of these can contribute to putting a communication stress of the relationship until one day one or the other spouse snaps and the polite calm discussion turns into an emotional outburst of pent-up frustration and defending of their hurt emotions.
Each marriage is a little different because of the uniqueness of the combination of the two people involved. Couples need to learn their style of solving and working out disagreements and hurts that works for them.
Having a preset agreement for how to communicate in times of stress can make the making up much faster and easier. So the easiest way to end and make up after a problem is to already have a process in place ahead of time so that it isn't as uncomfortable to work through problems when they arise in your marriage.
Here are 12 make up rules you can follow in your relationship to end a fight and still feel like kissing afterwards.
1.Pre-decide: Pre-decide to end misunderstandings and hurts as soon as they occur before they get blown out of proportion. 2.State of Calm: Bring yourself to a state of calm before talking. Take a deep breath; remind yourself that you love your spouse and that you want to solve the issue. Remember that it is better to be happy than to be right all the time. Make your ego take a break for a minute and speak from your heart. 3.Honesty: Be honest with yourself and identify the root cause of the argument and discuss and solve that. 4.Forgiveness: Forgive and forget. That means you don't bring up past faults or hurts. When you forgive let it all go, forever. 5.Restraint: Don't verbally or physically attack your husband or wife when you are hurt or upset. Restrain yourself and tell the other person exactly what happened to hurt or upset you. Explain until they understand. 6.Apologize: Apologize for what you have done as soon as you know you are responsible for hurts or wrongs. Take responsibility for your part in the disagreement or offense. It takes two people to fight. The cause of most fights is usually one or both spouses being hurt or offended by words or deeds of the other. Although usually hurt or offense was not the original intention of the offender and they probably didn't even know that was the result. 7.Sorry: Say you're sorry to cool off your spouse until you can talk in a calm way. Don't say you're sorry for something you haven't done but there are other ways to say that you are sorry that will diffuse the situation. Say, "I'm sorry that you're upset," "I'm sorry this got out of proportion," or "I'm sorry you feel hurt." Other phrases that help diffuse tense situations with your spouse are; "I love you and I want to understand what happened to cause you to be hurt," "I love you, let's figure this out together," "Help me to understand what I can do to help," "I would never intentionally upset you so please explain to me what happened so we can make it better," and "Let's try again." 8.Listen: Listen, really listen. If you don't understand what your spouse is trying to get across to you tell them you want to understand and please help you by explaining it again. Keep listening until you understand where they are coming from. What brought them to this point? If you really care about their point of view it will make things easier to come to a mutual agreement, compromise or resolve the misunderstanding. 9.Take a Break: If it gets too heated or the situation makes it such that you can't talk just then; take a break, take a walk, set it aside, but only after agreeing to revisit the issue at a later specified time. Never just walk off or out. 10.Respect: Don't laugh about the issue or at your husband or wife. If they are upset or hurt it is real to them. Don't degrade or make fun of your spouse. Treat them kindly and with respect and ask for the same from them. 11.Cherish: Cement good feeling by writing your spouse a note telling them how much you love them and why. Tell them you appreciate them. Give them the emotional support they want and provide for their emotional needs. Maybe that is little gifts, maybe it is sex, and it could be verbally telling them you love them, maybe it is being held or kissed or maybe just helping them with a chore that affirms love to them. Find out what it is that your spouse needs from you and then give that freely and as a gift to them. Shower your spouse, the person you love most in the world, with care and affection. 12.Gain New Skills: Lastly learn from each argument and disagreement. Learn how to compromise or come to a mutual agreement together. You should never have to replay the same fight a second time as long as you pay attention and change you behavior according to what you have learned and apply it to any similar situations. Learning is a process of gaining new skills and knowledge from your past experiences.
Even once the argument is over there might still be some lingering hurt or doubts. Follow up with a long hug and some snuggling and of course more than one of the "Kiss" part of "Kiss and Make Up."
Every marriage has occasions when the couple disagrees even getting into a heated argument that we call a fight. Humans make mistakes, say and do things that they shouldn't or that don't belong in a loving relationship. When you put two people together there are bound to be misunderstandings, moments of thoughtlessness even selfishness. Any or all of these can contribute to putting a communication stress of the relationship until one day one or the other spouse snaps and the polite calm discussion turns into an emotional outburst of pent-up frustration and defending of their hurt emotions.
Each marriage is a little different because of the uniqueness of the combination of the two people involved. Couples need to learn their style of solving and working out disagreements and hurts that works for them.
Having a preset agreement for how to communicate in times of stress can make the making up much faster and easier. So the easiest way to end and make up after a problem is to already have a process in place ahead of time so that it isn't as uncomfortable to work through problems when they arise in your marriage.
Here are 12 make up rules you can follow in your relationship to end a fight and still feel like kissing afterwards.
1.Pre-decide: Pre-decide to end misunderstandings and hurts as soon as they occur before they get blown out of proportion. 2.State of Calm: Bring yourself to a state of calm before talking. Take a deep breath; remind yourself that you love your spouse and that you want to solve the issue. Remember that it is better to be happy than to be right all the time. Make your ego take a break for a minute and speak from your heart. 3.Honesty: Be honest with yourself and identify the root cause of the argument and discuss and solve that. 4.Forgiveness: Forgive and forget. That means you don't bring up past faults or hurts. When you forgive let it all go, forever. 5.Restraint: Don't verbally or physically attack your husband or wife when you are hurt or upset. Restrain yourself and tell the other person exactly what happened to hurt or upset you. Explain until they understand. 6.Apologize: Apologize for what you have done as soon as you know you are responsible for hurts or wrongs. Take responsibility for your part in the disagreement or offense. It takes two people to fight. The cause of most fights is usually one or both spouses being hurt or offended by words or deeds of the other. Although usually hurt or offense was not the original intention of the offender and they probably didn't even know that was the result. 7.Sorry: Say you're sorry to cool off your spouse until you can talk in a calm way. Don't say you're sorry for something you haven't done but there are other ways to say that you are sorry that will diffuse the situation. Say, "I'm sorry that you're upset," "I'm sorry this got out of proportion," or "I'm sorry you feel hurt." Other phrases that help diffuse tense situations with your spouse are; "I love you and I want to understand what happened to cause you to be hurt," "I love you, let's figure this out together," "Help me to understand what I can do to help," "I would never intentionally upset you so please explain to me what happened so we can make it better," and "Let's try again." 8.Listen: Listen, really listen. If you don't understand what your spouse is trying to get across to you tell them you want to understand and please help you by explaining it again. Keep listening until you understand where they are coming from. What brought them to this point? If you really care about their point of view it will make things easier to come to a mutual agreement, compromise or resolve the misunderstanding. 9.Take a Break: If it gets too heated or the situation makes it such that you can't talk just then; take a break, take a walk, set it aside, but only after agreeing to revisit the issue at a later specified time. Never just walk off or out. 10.Respect: Don't laugh about the issue or at your husband or wife. If they are upset or hurt it is real to them. Don't degrade or make fun of your spouse. Treat them kindly and with respect and ask for the same from them. 11.Cherish: Cement good feeling by writing your spouse a note telling them how much you love them and why. Tell them you appreciate them. Give them the emotional support they want and provide for their emotional needs. Maybe that is little gifts, maybe it is sex, and it could be verbally telling them you love them, maybe it is being held or kissed or maybe just helping them with a chore that affirms love to them. Find out what it is that your spouse needs from you and then give that freely and as a gift to them. Shower your spouse, the person you love most in the world, with care and affection. 12.Gain New Skills: Lastly learn from each argument and disagreement. Learn how to compromise or come to a mutual agreement together. You should never have to replay the same fight a second time as long as you pay attention and change you behavior according to what you have learned and apply it to any similar situations. Learning is a process of gaining new skills and knowledge from your past experiences.
Even once the argument is over there might still be some lingering hurt or doubts. Follow up with a long hug and some snuggling and of course more than one of the "Kiss" part of "Kiss and Make Up."
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Adding new experiences through travel increases passion, excitement and newness to a relationship because couple vacations are just plain fun as long as they are properly planned! I will help you make couple travel memorable through my travel blog, travel reviews, packing tips, journey planning, travel tips, weekend getaway suggestions, and couple vacation ideas. ScatterTravel.tv
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